THE DUDESS ABIDES
I know what you’re thinking: this is a blog about The Big Lebowski. There you’d be wrong. Or are you? It’s true, my love for Sam Elliott abides, in a pure and innocent way. But as we’re both married to other people, to covet each other would be wrong. But first, since I mentioned it….
Alrighty, that’s enough. He’s mine.
What this is about is that I’ve been super bummed. Not totally depressed (that was before, when I wasn’t writing blogs… I don’t write when I’m depressed, I write after I’m better); but I’ve been bummed on so many levels and the bumtesence has slurred my crispy self into a mindless video game-playing mushpot (not real games, but silly tower defence games like Garden Rescue: Christmas Edition; but even that eventually bummed me out and I was busted down to PRIVATE from GENERAL.
Thankfully, I have my bae Paula to hold my hand through these dark times:
I left her a dirge-quality voice note thereafter. The vocabulary of which, I figure, only Joan Rivers (R.I.P.) would have been bold enough to share on a blog.
But as always, despite my whining, Paula was close-by.
I tried to explain the plants’ mission: to save the Christmas trees from the peril of marauding, thieving insects and annelids. I quickly realized this was a proverbial exercise in futility. And besides, Paula knew my malaise and my penchant for popping-off terrestrial crustaceans had something to do with each other. She’s good. My personal semiotics are not lost on her. I was fighting my own demons but needed some sort of tangible battle to express my inner turmoil.
Well, she would have said that but I like to put words into her mouth. She was going to go there, but I cut short our exchange to write the preliminary notes for this blog. Because you see.. I was suddenly all messed-up on something kinda nifty….
As I sat whimpering in my self-imposed but ill-fitting Weltanschauung (pronounce it just as it’s spelled), I discovered:
I sold a book this quarter.
My life, suddenly, got better. I didn’t even remember I still had a book out there. I put this travesty up as a lark one day, at least a year ago, to amuse a few colleagues. Don’t ask. If it were worthy of your scrutiny, I would have posted a cover reveal, the blog tour, reviews. You get the idea. It’s a short story collection I wrote as impudent fun one day (seriously, a cumulative one day) and posted. The characters are named for former clients who irked me. Corporate flash fiction, if you will, with a sexually inappropriate bend (to the left, if you please).
So on the very day I’m exchanging emails with a fellow walking-away-from-it-all writer, I’ll call her Dana, I discover that after I’ve turned out the lights, someone was home.
Elvis had NOT left the building.
In other words: I was still in the game. I was, once again, an author.
The prospect of holding what was left, after Amazon’s take, in my hot little hands grew almost too much for me. The answer was clear:
Paula and I had to get tattoos.
Ok, I made that up. Although we did get tattoos, they were BEFORE all this. It just felt like a nice narrative.
Having said all this, I did what any other author (I don’t really think of myself as author though) would do: I checked for a review. bupkis.
I’ll update you all if someone actually does write a review, even if it’s a troll.
So after six weeks of the blahs, I returned to the land of the inked (on two levels, for those who appreciate a pun). I may actually finish one of the other six manuscripts gracing my desktop.
Or not. Maybe I’ll just count my money ($0.35 CAD) and retire.
What I’m Listening to:
I’m all about audiobooks these days. So this month it’s been:
- Diary of A Mad Diva by Joan Rivers (read by Joan Rivers, R.I.P)
- 100 Ways to Simplify Your Life by Joyce Meyer (read by Sandra McCollom)
- Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin (read by Roy Datrice who is a freaking genius of a narrator)
- Asapscience : answers to the world’s weirdest questions, most persistent rumors & unexplained phenomena by Mitchell Moffit & Greg Brown (read by the authors)
and PS to “Dana” who may be reading this… don’t worry, I’m still really out of the game. But that thrill… oh that thrill and surprise of seeing a sale… be still my foolish heart…