I Think that I Shall Never See / My Feet | The Diet Continues
That, my friends, is 122g of Chapman’s Black Jack Cherry frozen yogurt. I am surprised the Chapman family doesn’t invite me to their Christmas party because I am personally responsible for their financial success.
Or I was. Until this year. Meaning 2015, not fiscal (for those who observe) or for the last 12 months (for the pedantic) but for 2015 only. Thirty wee days wherein I have had nary a molecule of frozen delight touch any of my body parts: inside or outside.
Yes, go there. It’s ok. We’ve all done things with food.
For those who remember my old weight-loss blog from 2011: The Other Thirty Pounds (sorry, it’s gone now and I can’t retrieve the original files), you will remember my Chapman’s Diet wherein I ate nothing but a tub of fro-yo and a multi-vitamin (and a bit of oat bran for “roughage”) for a month. It wasn’t my best move, and perhaps left me in the dilemma in which I currently find myself (menopausal? no, not that one. Overweight, yeah, you got it).
I don’t blame the fro-yo, I blame only myself. I made my husband promise me he’d help me on this journey and sadly, he has.
I know I kinda blame-shifted up in the last paragraph, but I don’t mean to — because this is a blog about my journey to tackle my impulse control issues (being many).
I have impulse control issues. Not to be confused with Star Trek impulse power. That would be cool. I’d get a lot more done and avoid most of my meetings. Oh, and I’d likely not have any mass. Ergo, lighter. Pun intended
Nope. I can’t resist things. Like frozen yogurt. After Eights. Popcorn.
I can resist weight training mind you. Admirably got that one battened down.
I can’t resist popping onto FB to see what my friends on Romance Writers Weekly are up to. I can’t resist my Momfia group and of course WhatsApping with my colleagues at SB™® LLC, LTD, Corp.Org who just kill me with their commentary on the new over-priced and ugly websites I’m working on which—well—blow donkeys.
I need resistance training.
I know what you’re thinking: resistance training qua strength training or weight training. Head to the gym, work out. Watch my diet. Burn more fat by having more muscle mass?
I’m talking about bondage.
I need some bondage. Unlike 9 1/2 Weeks (actually, I only read the book) wherein the lovely Kim Basinger had some food forced upon her (Well, I think she did but can’t vouch for the tying-up part. I saw a snippet once — be careful what link you click because you can’t un-see and un-hear this— and know a fridge and a montage was involved, some playful music, and curiously, a hard-boiled egg. Ew.), ANYWAY I need to be tied-up and prevented from force-feeding myself dainties. Vintage Mickey Rourke may apply for this job, although I am pretty sure Jason Statham is no stranger to a slip knot.
Hubs interjects here, pointing out he was a Boy Scout. I knew I married him for more than his bonny brown eyes.
So the plan for February? A little light bondage and some gluten-free Melba Toast. Whenever I feel the urge to stress eat, hubs has to come home and tie me up to save me from myself.
Or something like that….
I’ve called my chiro and she’ll do house calls for those trickier moments. Thankfully she’s very spatial and non-judgmental.
In all semi-seriousness, I have lost 4 pounds this year (yay) and know my sister in the Weight Stagnation Journey, Terri L. Austin has had some success too! Yay Terri!
Let’s end this with a little (if possible) Victor Buono (R.I.P.) who starts quite beautifully, poignantly, with “I think that I shall never see… my feet.”
Sigh. The Fat Man’s Prayer. Funny yet sadly ironic.
Had poor Victor Buono been able to tackle his eating, he perhaps would still be with us but alas, he died at the tender age of 43.
Happy Birthday (sniffle) Victor Buono (February 3, 1938 – January 1, 1982) who died of a heart attack. I shall do my best to carry your torch.
February is Heart Month
Not to drive the point home overmuch but romance author Jessica Cale and I are canvassing for the American Heart Association (Jessica) and the Canadian Heart & Stroke Foundation this month. Our campaign is here and we’d be very grateful if you could find it in your heart to donate (tax receipts are issued for donations over $10).