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The Coffee Wars

The Coffee Wars

What I am about to discuss is more contentious than Obamacare: The Coffee Wars.

The Nespresso ads are a phenomenon and from what I can guess, half my friends (or more) got Keurigs for Christmas in 2012. I will imagine that many of them will develop coffee machine envy and soon all those Keurigs will make their way to a Value Village near me.

The ever-shifting world of Appliance Envy favours the patient.

But before I go further, I must say that when I was little, I thought the Manamana song was called “Phenomenon” which tells you I didn’t listen very well as a child (but that I had a good vocab).

Be that as it may, I use a Melitta filter. How dull and tedious is that? It makes great coffee, doesn’t break down, and is dirt cheap. It’s very low on resources too. If I’m feeling particularly jaunty, I grind the beans myself.

Often it’s the same people who complain about cloth diapers being made in China, or people being wasteful by writing shit on paper, who have Keurigs and soon, possibly, Nespressos.

I hate Nespresso for the same reason many of us do: the commercials. But hey, the key to marketing is brand recognition. I used to adore Penelope Cruz, back when she appeared in Almodovar films. And good for her moving onwards and upwards to Hollywood, then onto the pinnacle of achievement: the Nespresso ad. Ditto George Clooney, minus the Almodovar connection but plus the Soderberg-inspired groove music in the background.

The coffee may rock. But do I need at minimum at $200 machine to make a decent coffee? And hundreds of buckaroos, not to mention the waste, of those little containers? Before you factor in the cost of a machine, the coffee “capsules” alone will set you back at least buck a pop. So if you drink two a day, you’ll figure out quickly that your “at-home” coffee alone will cost you $1,000 in the first year. Well, if you buy from Nespresso, apparently it’s only a minimum of 68 cents a pop. Either or, that’s just your at-home coffee. I’d rather keep the thousand bucks.

I like how I can order “limited edition” capsules. Could order.

I’m hoping the capsules are at least made from soy bean plastic or fairy farts, thus having the potential to be biodegradable. And somewhere out there is an intrepid JK teacher thinking of crafty projects for the darn things.

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