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Unicorn Farts and False Hopes

Unicorn Farts and False Hopes

Unicorn Farts and False Hopes

I’ve been on a diet since the 70s. Well, just barely. But it started around there. I’ve done pretty well for myself til I had le bebe at 40. Then the next at 44.75 (not to put too fine a point on it).

Everyone needs the Hello Kitty Diet
Everyone needs the Hello Kitty Diet

I actually never had much of an issue with my weight. I’m just neurotic and self-loathing which is endemic and hardly worth saying, except to show my erudition by saying endemic (and erudition). I have always been active and/or hyper (as age-appropriate) and like being a gym rat. I boxed (real boxing), run as necessary (with our without a bear chasing me).

Then I had the kids.

My mommy group (The Momfia) has a diet sub-group (Skinny Cows) and occasionally I appear there, Google “steel cut oats” and look at pix of strange colourful food my fellow Cows are scarfing down and I wonder what will work? Steel cut oats? Egg white omelets (I call them Caucasian omelets but am not sure if that’s ok to say). I try to protein-boost, eschew processed foods, eat raw veggies.

And I gained 13 pounds.

My Sister-Wife is a cooking dream. Fortunately, we live 93 minutes apart and my car won’t go into any high gears so a NomFest at her house isn’t possible. But she’s totally dropping the baby weight (baby #4 no less) and living a GF and DF life.

In case you’re like me and just WTF’d? Gluten-Free and Dairy-Free.

And she’s not even a Cow. Dang that all.

Unicorn Farts and False HopesI can’t go without yogurt. Cocoa powder graces it by the tablespoonful. I love bitter chocolate. So that’s a wash. I bake. Lots. I don’t eat the baked goods, mind you.

I eat the batter.

But having said all this: if Duck Dynasty is on, I do get to the gym. Heck yeah I can run/walk briskly (super briskly) for 60 minutes if I know Phil, Si, and the boys are on the screen. And weights, I’ll do weights. I love weights.

But I’m 13 pounds up. Could it be the M-word?

M – E – N – O – P – A – U – S – E

Yeah, I said it. I’m getting there.

Some of you may recall my now-defunct “The Other 30 Pounds” blog of 2011-12. I’m back to that weight. In January 2014, I weighed 140. Of course I had suffered through three weeks of H1N1, then got whacked with pneumonia so that may have helped. But now I’m back to 153. The obvious strategy is to switch to kilos.

My New Diet

So I’ve cut back to living out of my Hello Kitty mug. If it can fit into the mug, I’ll eat or drink it.

Not a bad idea, really. Saves on dishes too.

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